"I am sorry, Maturin, but it just will not do...

[nid_dabeille]

"That head of yours will have to come off.  I don't know how, and I don't know precisely how it is attached, but come off it must."

A conversation I had last night with one of my newest CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS!  YES!  I now have Jack 'n Stephen Christmas ornaments!!

There were also many other conversations of a similar nature like:

"Jack, you must hold your arm still.  You must not use your arm.  Jack!  I NEED you to hold your arm still!  You will do very well, but you must not move your arm!"

"Now Maturin, you must not use your leg for a while.  I don't want you to put any weight on it, do you understand?  Now you just lie there and get better, all right?  Jack will keep you company while he rests his arm."

"Oh Maturin, look at you!  What have you done to your clean white shirt?  How did you get that spot there?  I just cleaned it!"

as well as the more ominous:

"Oh I'm sorry Jack.  I'm sorry Jack.  Oh I'm so sorry, I'm sorry!"

And now for the picspam!  First, I bought two Christmas ornaments that seemed most suitable for adaptation.  They were cute in their own right, but I wanted Jack'n Stephen.

Stephen (L) and Jack (R) BEFORE TREATMENT

  

Then, after uncapping, decapitating, and much more intentional and unintentional CARNAGE, I started to paint.  But it would not stick to the glossy surface, neither oil paint nor acrylic.  (Well, to be fair, I hardly gave oil a chance.  But I knew I would be much too impatient.  Plus I only had linseed oil and no thinner.  But ahhhh, I love the smell of linseed oil.)  So I applied primer and painted over that.  And then discovered that the primer peeled right off, taking the new paint layer with it.  GAH.  (I thought it was my primer made for shiny slick surfaces, but no.  That one is still at my parents' house, alas).

So more carnage as I resorted to a nail file, scraping off all the primer (in a cloud of lead-based dust, great, why didn't I notice that it was lead before?) and then nail polish remover to take off the original paint.  (WARNING:  Images of Graphic Toy Violence) (or are they graphic images of toy violence?)

Stephen (Top) and Jack (Bottom) DURING TREATMENT

  

Then I painted them - again - and did some reconstructive surgery, plus a little cosmetic surgery on Stephen's face, as well as switching their hats.  I just wanted Jack to have the Santa hat, and the funny little fez-type hat suits Stephen and his exoticy better.  Their colors aren't as bright and exciting as they were before, but they're more suitable.  Now Stephen is wearing a lovely rusty black coat with a fashionable "distressed" finish (so you can still see the old red paint through it).  And notice, Jack is wearing the newest elbow-epaulettes, all the rage for captains with three years seniority.

Stephen (L) and Jack (R) AFTER TREATMENT

  

And one final picture with the flash to show their colors more accurately.

YAY

Oh, at one point I had an accident with opening the cap of my black paint with my teeth.  Well, it was stuck - even though I'm very good about cleaning my paint tubes and caps.  The tube burst and I had black oil paint on my face.  It reminded me of Ernest Goes to Jail.  It also reminded me of The Mauritius Command when Mr. Farquhar and Mr. Prote are showing Stephen the printing works for their propaganda:

In their eagerness to show Stephen their proficiency they corrected three long texts in the galley... gradually smearing themselves, and him, with an unreasonable quantity of printer's ink.

Hee.

There must be a way, however, of securely sealing paint tubes without them getting STUCK.  And a way to open them.  And a tube material that won't burst.  There should also be a tool that quickly cleans the threads of the screwcap and the tube so it's easy to put the cap back on cleanly.  There must be a better way.

I need tea.  Why has my milk gone sour?  It doesn't LOOK sour.  My milk never goes sour!  And the powdered milk just doesn't taste the same in tea.  Blah.  But tea I must have!

  
linked at hms_surprise 

Comments

[strainconductor.livejournal.com]

Such talent, and such cuteness!!

*loves*

And what patience!

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks!

Yeah, it took a very very long time. If I had known how long it would take... well, I still probably would have wanted to do it, but I probably would have procrastinated until I actually HAD time to do it.

But aww, I love my Christmas Jumping-Jack and Jumping-Stephen.

[twirlychelengk.livejournal.com]

Nice pockets.

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

IT'S YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! *HYPERVENTILATES, DIES*

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Oh, thank you. I was SOOOOOOO EXCITED to see you that I didn't even notice what you said. Must be because I have no ears.

You!!!! &hearts

[twirlychelengk.livejournal.com]

(Though I must ask... what happened to Stephen's ears?)

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

He never had any.

IT'S YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

[twirlychelengk.livejournal.com]

It's because he's Irish isn't it.

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Why no, Queenie, it ain't.

[eternal-shame.livejournal.com]

awwww!!!! cuteness ahoy!!!!! me loves it! I wish I had some skill to do those kind of things :(

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thanks!

[sparowe]

Oh, these are wonderful! Thank you for sharing your adventure. :)

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! (aww, glowing Stephen icon...!)

[cionaudha.livejournal.com]

Also? Their lil torsos are in the shapes of stringed instruments! :-D

They're adorable! (What's Stephen looking so danged happy about? Is it the peyote?)

I don't know if it will help, but when I close up things with goopy threads, I take a paper towel to the threads until the towel comes up clean.

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Ohhh, it took me several minutes to understand what goopy threads you meant!! I was thinking, "The threads to pull the jumping-jacks? But they're not that goopy, are they? Sure, I got a little paint on them, but can she really see it in the picture?" Then I thought, "Threads in a post? There's that other thread where the comments were screened, but I wouldn't call it goopy, and a paper towel certainly wouldn't help there..." I had to scroll up to see what I had been talking about earlier. PAINT CAPS. Yes, I do use paper towels too.

I've been very dull and stupid all day. My brain is foggish and sluggy. The Robert Shaw Chorale even sounds off-pitch, and I KNOW that can't be true. I've listened to the same CD a thousand times, and I would have noticed before.

Hee, yes, I noticed their viol-shaped torsos! :D

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Stephen at first had no mouth, only a white mustache and some rosy cheeks (which I obliterated). I thought of leaving him mouthless - indeed, I had chosen that figure particularly for the skeptical expression in the eyes - but I thought for a Christmas ornament, he ought to have at least a little smile. Besides, he's having fun with Jack. Surely Jack will offer enough Christmas cheer to provoke a wee smile.

But I think he's dreaming of an aardvark. He caught me looking for aardvarks among the Christmas ornaments - how I searched! sought! - and now he'll be EXPECTING one. (What to do, what to do??)

[shipotl.livejournal.com]

They are so cute! You are very talented.

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I must say, they are cute.

[esteven]

I am so pleased you managed to get the much desired Jack and Stephen ornaments. You are ever such a talented lady.
:D

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm very pleased I managed to get them too. I just HAD to have them!

[mstallulahbelle.livejournal.com]

WOW!! Grace, you just so talented!!

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Haha! Well thanks! It really didn't require that much talent! Just time and patience. But I was watching a movie most of the time.

[tootsiemuppet.livejournal.com]

That is BRILLIANT!! Wonderful!! I adore it! You have to market these things.

FILL A TREE WITH SURPRISES!

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Heehee! Thanks!! Well I did consider it - a tree full of Surprises. I nearly bought a whole set of little fellows. But after all the trouble these two gave me, I don't think I could manage any more!!! (Though, I kept thinking, if I'd been at work I could have just chucked them in a solvent bath for a few hours and the hardest work would be done FOR me.) Maybe they sell unpainted ones somewhere. That would make it a lot easier.

[fiddlie.livejournal.com]

Once again fantastic crafties! Definitely worth looking like an extra from Andy Griffith. I love their jumpiness too - well done!

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

An extra from Andy Griffith?

[fiddlie.livejournal.com]

Ah, see, you were thinking Ernest Goes to Jail, and I was thinking Ernest T (of Andy Griffith "fame"). Regardless, it is a terrible plight to suffer the name of Ernest in any brand of Hollywood, and one that will surely include tooth blackening.

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Ohhh, right. I was thinking of Ernest P. Worrell, the one who was always talking to "Vern."

Yes, strange that Hollywood should be the curse of Ernests. And yet, there are so many pleasant British Ernests. The Importance of Being Earnest, Ernest Shackleton, Ernest Wild, etc...

[the-reverand.livejournal.com]

These are so fantastic. I hope you don't mind but I had to share them on my journal (http://the-reverand.livejournal.com/320619.html). :)

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Hee! Thanks! I don't mind at all! Very flattered, delighted!

[cruisedirector]

These are fabulous! Thanks so much for sharing!

[grace-poppy.livejournal.com]

Hee, thanks for looking! As I told the_reverand, it makes me feel ever so slightly LESS insane if other people are sharing the guilt joy in such trifles.