"I am sorry, Maturin, but it just will not do...

[nid_dabeille]

"That head of yours will have to come off.  I don't know how, and I don't know precisely how it is attached, but come off it must."

A conversation I had last night with one of my newest CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS!  YES!  I now have Jack 'n Stephen Christmas ornaments!!

There were also many other conversations of a similar nature like:

"Jack, you must hold your arm still.  You must not use your arm.  Jack!  I NEED you to hold your arm still!  You will do very well, but you must not move your arm!"

"Now Maturin, you must not use your leg for a while.  I don't want you to put any weight on it, do you understand?  Now you just lie there and get better, all right?  Jack will keep you company while he rests his arm."

"Oh Maturin, look at you!  What have you done to your clean white shirt?  How did you get that spot there?  I just cleaned it!"

as well as the more ominous:

"Oh I'm sorry Jack.  I'm sorry Jack.  Oh I'm so sorry, I'm sorry!"

And now for the picspam!  First, I bought two Christmas ornaments that seemed most suitable for adaptation.  They were cute in their own right, but I wanted Jack'n Stephen.

Stephen (L) and Jack (R) BEFORE TREATMENT

  

Then, after uncapping, decapitating, and much more intentional and unintentional CARNAGE, I started to paint.  But it would not stick to the glossy surface, neither oil paint nor acrylic.  (Well, to be fair, I hardly gave oil a chance.  But I knew I would be much too impatient.  Plus I only had linseed oil and no thinner.  But ahhhh, I love the smell of linseed oil.)  So I applied primer and painted over that.  And then discovered that the primer peeled right off, taking the new paint layer with it.  GAH.  (I thought it was my primer made for shiny slick surfaces, but no.  That one is still at my parents' house, alas).

So more carnage as I resorted to a nail file, scraping off all the primer (in a cloud of lead-based dust, great, why didn't I notice that it was lead before?) and then nail polish remover to take off the original paint.  (WARNING:  Images of Graphic Toy Violence) (or are they graphic images of toy violence?)

Stephen (Top) and Jack (Bottom) DURING TREATMENT

  

Then I painted them - again - and did some reconstructive surgery, plus a little cosmetic surgery on Stephen's face, as well as switching their hats.  I just wanted Jack to have the Santa hat, and the funny little fez-type hat suits Stephen and his exoticy better.  Their colors aren't as bright and exciting as they were before, but they're more suitable.  Now Stephen is wearing a lovely rusty black coat with a fashionable "distressed" finish (so you can still see the old red paint through it).  And notice, Jack is wearing the newest elbow-epaulettes, all the rage for captains with three years seniority.

Stephen (L) and Jack (R) AFTER TREATMENT

  

And one final picture with the flash to show their colors more accurately.

YAY

Oh, at one point I had an accident with opening the cap of my black paint with my teeth.  Well, it was stuck - even though I'm very good about cleaning my paint tubes and caps.  The tube burst and I had black oil paint on my face.  It reminded me of Ernest Goes to Jail.  It also reminded me of The Mauritius Command when Mr. Farquhar and Mr. Prote are showing Stephen the printing works for their propaganda:

In their eagerness to show Stephen their proficiency they corrected three long texts in the galley... gradually smearing themselves, and him, with an unreasonable quantity of printer's ink.

Hee.

There must be a way, however, of securely sealing paint tubes without them getting STUCK.  And a way to open them.  And a tube material that won't burst.  There should also be a tool that quickly cleans the threads of the screwcap and the tube so it's easy to put the cap back on cleanly.  There must be a better way.

I need tea.  Why has my milk gone sour?  It doesn't LOOK sour.  My milk never goes sour!  And the powdered milk just doesn't taste the same in tea.  Blah.  But tea I must have!

  
linked at hms_surprise 

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